Breathe

It's Friday. I'm having a late breakfast of tea and toast. I have plenty to do today, but none of the work is urgent as it has been over the last several weeks. Time to take a breath. There, I'm breathing. Looming in my mind is one task that I'm excited to tackle but also scared to begin: writing out my 2011 goals.

I have this nervous, tense feeling in my stomach. Taking deep breaths helps until I remember that I'm holding my breath again. Why am I so worried, tense and confused? Ah huh! I'm reaching my goals that I set out for myself in 2010. No, better yet, I've surpassed my goals! Success - that's what's scaring me! Why? Why do I have to be one of those people who feels so easily overwhelmed?

Just last week, a client experienced a snafu with her print order. This wasn't my fault, but I like to blame myself for everything - pretty egotistical, right? To think that I have something to do with everything. And it's also pretty nutty that I think there always has to be *blame* associated with a mistake. The truth is it was a simple misunderstanding. NOT A BIG DEAL! But I MADE IT A BIG DEAL on myself for a good hour. Well, this high powered ego of mine cripples me. The truth is my successes far outweigh my mistakes. Wow, is THAT hard for me to digest! In January of 2010 my goals were to pursue my photography with more zest, to continue doing non-profit work and to travel. Vague, simple goals. Well, I didn't just spice up my photography life, I quit my full time job and began my own photo portrait business. And that non-profit work... it is now an official 501c3 called Bridges of Promise and we're about to become a part of LICA. The traveling - okay, I didn't exceed there. But I did go to the east coast a couple times this year to visit family and to help my dad through hip surgery. That's more than a fair trade, I believe.

But those mistakes that I've made - they knock me down. Yes, I pick myself up quite quickly, but I walk around with five tons of bricks on my back. You know that cliche, "I wear the weight of the world on my shoulders." That's me! Maybe I could put it into a different perspective - I've learned ALOT this year. Now, it's up to me to have the strength to put these lessons into practice. Being humble is not the same as being humiliated. There's an important difference.

There, I feel a little better. Writing it out is good. When I put my *small* problems into their proper perspective, I realize that I'm distracting myself from what's truly important. I think about the children in Tanzania who have lost their parents to AIDS whose elderly grandmother who can not walk well takes them to kindergarden every day. They attend a school that has no walls. Yes, the perspective comes quite clearly, and I remind myself that faith in myself, rejoice in any success I'm blessed with is reason to feel appreciation, gratitude and hope. If I succeed, I can help others to succeed. If I actively practice my faith, the rest is in God's hands. Really, all I have to do is show up and put one foot in front of the other. I don't have to be perfect. I can just be.

Now, I hope that this helps me to lighten up. Alessandro and I have been working really hard this year. He is the most amazing partner. Yep, I'm tearing up as I type that! I never knew. I truly never knew that two people could be so supportive of one another. I hope we can take a little down time this week to relax, to reflect and to feel at peace. And my other big wish is that we see the show Cavalia together during Christmas.

Just for this moment, I no longer feel worried, tense and confused. Phew! And even when I do feel that way again, because I will, very shortly, I'm sure of it. I can always turn it over to God like I did here. Again and again as many times as I need to.... and breathe.

PK Part II

I could have done a million other things today, but I processed PK Part II. It was my way of procrastinating organizing my office. Now, to finish our Christmas cards!!

And the team being silly for the camera!

Photographer: Sandra Fazzino, bottom left

Producer: Sandra Jones, bottom right

Model: PK, top right

Hair and Make up: Asal, www.asalbeauty.com, top left

PK Part I

If I were a person of few words, I would simply write these nine letters: b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. Unfortunately, for many, I'm not. I need to tell you the little story of our test shoot. For months, PK and I have wanted to test together. This is something photographers and models do to keep busy during down time, to work on ideas that have been swimming around in our heads, and to keep our books fresh. Once PK found it within herself to stay in town (I'm teasing you, girlfriend!), we booked a date and made it happen with the help of an amazing producer, Sandra Jones, and a very talented make up artist, Asal (www.AsalBeauty.com.) There we were on the side of Route 37 in Sonoma, our trunks popped open, music pumpin', hot tea poring into our cups, baguettes, prosciutto crudo, caramel toffee treats, hair spray, camera gear, and clothes. Do we know how to do it in style, or what? We broke our day up into two sessions: the black and white tight shots as shown here, and the color full length shots which I will post later. Enough can not be said for how good it felt to be in the company of these talented and professional women. Enjoy, and please come back for a peek at part two!

A Reflection of Christmas

Before I begin another busy week, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on Christmas. Now, I do go to church with my husband on the weekends, and we do openly discuss God and all of the blessings he puts in our life. And we also keep each other in check. We practice tough love daily. I'll paint the picture: it's kind of like something between Mr. and Mrs. Costanza on Seinfeld and the Castorini family in Moonstruck. It's true. No sooner do I pray to be patient and respectful with my husband after taking holy communion, I'm sass mouthing him over something so unimportant by the time we arrive to the car to ride home. Ie.: Alessandro: "I'm going to make ragu today." Me: "Oh yeah, does that mean you'll be leaving a pile of dishes for me when I come home tonight?!" Alessandro: "Don't sass me! I'll take care of the frrriggin' dishes!" (He has that italian accent, so he rolls his r's.) Meanwhile, I'm totally not showing how grateful I am that he's cooking! Luckily, he gets me. So, we smile, kiss and make up. Man, THAT is such a blessing!

I make so many mistakes day to day, week to week, and I pray for the ability to forgive myself and others and to do better the next time - to find clarity - to find peace with my shortcomings. As I was sitting in mass during this past rainy Sunday, I heard what is said at almost every service, "God knows that our faith is greater than our sins." Those words are so comforting to me. And how grateful I am that today peace and faith fill my heart and our home despite life's hardships, hiccups and just plain day-to-day yuck.

On a very personal note, the day-to-day in my home growing up - not so hot. Let's just say there was plenty of sassin' but no sign of any smiles or hugs that followed. There may have been, oh I don't know, a whole in the wall or a broken down door. Suffice it to say, making up was hard to do for my parents. BUT I am ever so grateful to them, because at Christmas time all hostilities were laid aside. Instead, we would spend hours walking through the snow to find the perfect tree. I, high atop my father's shoulders inspecting the specimens from above. Then, admiring the mechanics of the saw chopping down the tall, chubby pine. Once home, with Christmas music in full swing listening to everything from Elvis to Alvin and the Chipmunks, we would decorate the tree together. This was our tradition. It's taken some patience and compromise on both our parts, but now my husband and I carry on this tradition, and it makes me SO happy.

During Christmas, I become even more aware of these blessings and how much my faith plays such an important part in my feelings of safety, serenity, and most importantly hope. As the delicate dove that is perched upon our tree symbolizes the peace in our home... may faith, peace and love dwell in your home, too.

Kiran + Co.

Are you as intrigued by the name as I am? The boy's name Kiran is pronounced keer-an. It is of Hindi and Sanskrit origin, and the meaning of Kiran is "beam of light". I'm here to tell you that Kiran's name is very fitting. He certainly moves at the speed of light! I could hardly keep up with this pint size ball of energy. He was on a mission to somewhere, but as soon as he would arrive to that somewhere, he was off again. Two of my favorite names are Lucia and Luciano. Both are Italian names and mean light. Notice that one of the family shots has flare - well, that is my creative liberty paying homage to Kiran's name and it's beautiful meaning. May you always live in the light of all that's good, Kiran. Such a pleasure to meet you!

Dorothy & Allen

How wonderful is it to see this couple still in love, still embracing, holding hands, and enjoying each other's company? Allan really wanted portraits of he and Dorothy for some time, and we finally found a date and time that fit their busy schedule! It's such a joy knowing these two. We bump into one another at church, and they have been kind supporters of Bridges of Promise, the small non-profit that I run with my colleague Karen Schuster. BUT what is so fun and interesting about meeting Dorothy and Allan is the 6 degrees of separation that we share. Circa 1954, they actually lived in Catania, Sicily for one year while Allan worked in Melilli as a geologist, a small town 20 minutes away. So, the big deal about that is... Melilli is the town where my grandmother and grandfather are from and where my cousins still live in the home and on the huge farm where my grandmother was raised. I promise you, NO ONE has heard of this little paese accept for the thousands that live in my hometown of Middletown, CT who immigrated to the states before and after WWII. Really, other Sicilians don't even know about this place. I could hardly contain myself when Allan recounted his experience there. I give them both so much praise for the courage to live in another country and embrace another culture during that era. Dorothy even had her first born in Catania! This period of their lives and Allan's desire to have their portraits taken are testimony to their love and commitment to one another, and to their adventure and thirst for life.

These images are stylistic which is not typical for my work, but somehow the mood struck me today.

Abundance Organizing. Headshots.

Abundance Organizing is a team of women located in Richmond, VA who specialize in helping those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, attention deficit disorder, hoarding, as well as individual and corporate relocation projects. One of their members (and my lovely younger sister) is an expert on A&E's Hoarders. Last week, we updated their head shots.

Casey Moore. Headshots.

Casey Moore of Living Simply Consulting, Inc. needed to update her head shots. I hope she doesn't mind me revealing that she was a little nervous when she arrived to her session. Believe it or not, I can easily forget how uncomfortable it is to have your portrait taken. Before I could set up the camera and check the lighting she was zapping me with questions, "Where should I look? How should I stand? Where are you cropping the image?" I get it. It's hard to trust that the photographer sees you the way you want to be seen. She's investing good money for a 45 minute session and her hope is that these images will represent her and her company in a way that she wants to be portrayed. She had only seen my work on-line, and we didn't even have time to speak over the phone before we met. I wanted her to feel comfortable, so I told her the truth: she looked great. Plus, we laughed a lot, and I empathized with her. My cheesy trick for moments like this one is to encourage my subject to look at the camera as though it's a person they admire and enjoy being around, and yes, flirt! It's a cheap trick, but it works! Casey, I think you look fabulous in your photos. This sneak peek is an example of a few "fun" ones. Don't worry, we captured more "serious" poses, too. : )

Virginia

We just returned from a short vacation to Virginia and Washington DC to see family and tour our nations's capitol. I couldn't pass up taking some family snapshots of my sister, her husband, and their son, Alton Joseph. Yes, that is also our mother who looks much more like she could be our sister, right? AJ's favorite things are jamming to music and eating yummy food. "Itsy Bitsy Spider" is an instant cheer-me-up. If he discovers that you're admiring him from afar, he'll wave to you and shoot you the most charming smile. Yep, my heart melts each time. The photos were taken at this really sweet store just outside of Richmond called Gather, one of my mother's favorite places to find vintage and one-of-a-kind items to decorate her home. A big thank you to Tina, who made us feel welcome and for helping me pick out my gorgeous new purse repurposed from an antique quilt. Love. It.

Marino Fleisher

The final and last portrait session from back east: The Fleisher's. I could easily write a book about my friendship with Michelle. I remember vividly sitting in the cafeteria at a bench table packed with kids on our first day of 4th grade, my first day at a new school. Michelle was seated at the table behind me threatening another kid to shut up. I made a very clear decision to stay far away from her which wouldn't be easy in a small classroom like ours. Unfortunately, she didn't like me either. After a long year of keeping our distance from one another came to an end, we found ourselves at the same family picnic for the 4th of July. Her Uncle's wife is my father's cousin. (Yes, I know, more cousins....) Anyway, as I whined of boredom my mother encouraged me to play with Michelle. I reminded her that we weren't the best of friends, but she nudged me along anyway. Before I knew it, we're running down the peer that jetted into the ocean jumping fearlessly into the water and lighting as many bottle rockets and smoke bombs as we could find (stealing them from my cousin's bedroom, of course.) From that day forward we would become the best of friends. We would get into countless amounts of trouble, see the Principal's office more than once, be told to sit out in the hall until we could behave, steal our parents cars (before we had our licenses,) go to dances with boys sporting mohawks, perform Sonny and Cher routines for our school and department stores alike, and eventually dance until dawn in New York City. She's been my comic relief, the wind beneath my wings (wink wink) and my partner in crime. Oceans couldn't keep us apart. Thank heavens for BFF's.

Salafia Pepitone

The Pepitone's were the third family photo session when I was back east. Again, Silvana and I have known each other since the 4th grade. Not to mention, her mother and my grandfather are first cousins. My favorite memory of Silvana that sums her up well is when we were teenagers shopping at a mall, she lost track of me and used the store intercom to announce, "Sandy Fazzino, please come to the cosmetic department. Sandy Fazzino to cosmetics." In one word: fearless. How she knew how to use that thing is a mystery. Now, she's married to a great guy with two wonderful children. Sofia Rose has my heart and Joseph, you are growing into a fine young man. I miss my friends so much. To live on opposite coasts and go one to two years at a time without seeing each other is tough. But when we come together and gab like no time has passed, it's truly a blessing.