Disappointment

I've been thinking lately about disappointment. The more I reflect, the more grateful I am for this gift, because the process of growth is not fully possible until the spirit has something to work on or work through. 

Here are a few examples of things that didn't go according to "my" plan (yes, I can hear God laughing…) and how I worked through my own personal disappointment. My goal in writing this is to face fear dead on, look it in the eyes, and remind myself that I don't fall down easily. This way, I can look ahead to 2013, write down my future goals and dreams without hesitation or insecurity. Or maybe even that is too ambitious. Maybe I should say, I can look ahead to 2013, write down my future goals and dreams despite my hesitation and insecurity. 

Last week, I lost the opportunity to photograph a couple's spring 2013 wedding in Florence. They selected a local Florence photographer whose work is beautiful and half the price compared to my collections and travel fees. I may not have won the work, but I won the encouragement of a complete stranger. This is a recent email I received from the bride: "Thanks so much for your kind words!  Your photography business will do exceptionally well with your warm and personable personality! Happy New Year!" Plus, I learned a great deal. Most importantly, I realized I was wrong. My assets are not as valuable as I thought. 1. The American photo style vs the Italian photo style are vastly different. This is mainly true, but thanks to wonderful blogs like Style Me Pretty, the photo language that is so prevalent here is moving its way to Italy. It's hard to find, but it is being born. 2. I speak English and Italian. Well, so does the photographer they chose. So do many Italians. 3. I understand both the Italian and American cultures. Well, so does the other photographer. Her website and blog were completely geared towards the American looking to marry in her region. The question I need to ask myself is will photographing weddings in Italy be my goal for 2013 and 2014? If so, how will I set myself apart from photographers already located there? 

This summer, my 13 year old brother came to live with us. It's horrible for me to define this milestone in our lives as a disappointment, but let's face it. It wasn't something we planned to do this year. I had to completely recalibrate my thinking, my time management, my finances, everything. Becoming a parent of a teenager overnight is hard work, my friends! Not to mention, I had to iron out my feelings around my family spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Plus, it put a big strain on my marriage. And yet, once again, this unexpected obstacle gave us a slew of new spiritual tools to add to our tool belts. I learned how to let life be really ugly without having to fix it or manipulate it or force my ideas. I was able to honor my truth and completely let go. I've had to learn how to ask for help, how to stick to my boundaries, and create clear expectations. I've met amazing women and men through my brother's school and parenting workshops. My husband will say I'm a hopeless romantic and he'll huff and puff, but I stand by my feelings: my brother's arrival has given me far more than we are giving him. So then, how will I focus on growing my business and reach our financial goals while raising a child who will be attending college in four short years? 

Our dearest friends, Brenda and Luca, didn't book me to shoot their wedding in Umbria last fall. I've written this story already, but it's worth repeating. I was literally heart broken. Luca's aunt gifted him the photography and that was that. There was very little I could do. I couldn't bare coming home without gorgeous wedding images from Italy. Luckily, I belong to a fabulous group of women who call ourselves D.I.V.E., Donne Italiane che Vivono all'Estero. Low and behold, one of the women in the group coordinates destination weddings throughout Italy, and together we made this Italian bridal shoot happen which ultimately was published in Style Me Pretty - a total bonus. There were major challenges throughout the entire process, but it ultimately came together flawlessly, and I'm very proud of the work and hope to make more beautiful images like this in 2013. Where will I let this experience take me? Will I coordinate more styled shoots this year? If so, how many? How will I utilize these styled shoots to help me target my ideal clientele? 

These are just a few examples. Let's not talk about my hair that's  never cut or colored exactly how I would like or how trying to create a five year plan with my husband is like trying to heard a 100 cats into an ocean. If you've had disappointments that you've overcome this year, I would love to hear about them. How did you manage the feelings of disappointment? Where do you find hope? What did you do to turn your lemons into lemonade?