My Favorite Gift

To this day, the best gift I ever received was on my sixteenth birthday. My Aunt Linda presented me with a book about two and a half inches thick with a portrait of Georgia O'Keeffe taken by the grandfather of photography, Alfred Steiglitz. The title was "Georgia O'Keeffe A Life". I must have mentioned my new fascination with the icon and she must have been listening which is partly why the gift was so meaningful. She was tuned in and that made me feel good. I finished the book in fifteen days. For me, that was a record and a testament to how the book shaped my idea of the type of woman I wanted to become. 

Truthfully, Georgia O'Keeffe's paintings didn't intrigue me as much as her personality. I had seen a documentary on her in Mrs. Mooz's art class my sophomore year of high school and it was her zest, spunk and scratchy personality that made me want to learn more. It was the way she responded to the interviewer asking her if living in the dessert was terribly hot, the way she scoffed at the stupidity of the question, her open annoyance that pulled me in. I felt like I knew her, like she was the type of woman I wanted to be - open - honest - real. 

One of the many and most important things I learned about this extraordinary yet simple woman and also what I have failed to remember many times over is that a woman must always be her own person. That sounds quick and easy, but attaining and maintaining one's identity can be a struggle - at least it has been for me - especially creatively.

Juxtaposed to that memory is the one of the time I won a CADC (Connecticut Art Directors Club) award for my business card design in my early twenties. It never occurred to me that putting a naked woman, Venus in this case, on the front of my business card was distasteful - but had you seen my father's reaction you would have thought he learned I was turning tricks for a living. Venus is the goddess of love, afterall, not necessarily sex. And what fascinates me is that love has been my motivation for all things that I do. And when I work from that motivation, so much abundance springs from it.

It all reminds me that regardless of outside opinion, what lives in me - is me - and who I am is innately good, pure and simple. Over the years, I have floundered swaying back and forth between who I think I should be and who I truly am (for all the good and the bad, thank you, please.) 

Reminding myself to be "me exactly as I am" feels so good, like slipping-into-clean-crisp-bed-sheets-after-a-long-day good. I hope my memory doesn't fail me again, because I am convinced that knowing my truth, owning it, and living it out loud lay the foundation for my inner peace and happiness.

Amen. : )