Raising the Bar

The room at the W hotel in downtown San Francisco was crowded with young professionals sipping wine and mingling around a table of finger foods and Luna textile samples. These after work parties had become common during the dot.com boom. Poor twenty-somethings like myself took advantage of the free food and drinks.

On this particular night at the end of July, I had just turned 29, my dear friend Eleanor carried on about this Italian that I just had to meet, and why hadn't we met already?! She was the quintessential social prowess and knew everyone, of course. Finally, the introduction came, and I had to pause after exchanging business cards. Had this man just treated me like a lady? Had he shown modesty and genuine enthusiasm for meeting my acquaintance? I prayed. Literally. I closed my eyes and spoke to God, "if you're trying to tell me something, I'm listening."

His name was Alessandro, he recently moved here from Modena by way of Ontario. He was transferred by a large commercial marble company. Understanding that I had been studying Italian for two years, he graciously offered his native ear. A week went by before an email landed in my in-box while I was on the east coast for one of my best friend's wedding. Again, this "phenomenon" of a man sent a lovely message. It was friendly and neutral, by no means pushy or assumptive or asinine (oh, the childish men I've met!) He said so little, but what he said was concise. Hmmm... I was bewildered and openly astute.

For one year we would continue to bump into one another at these industry parties always excited to see one another and catch up. Every once in a while, I might receive a call or an email, and once we even went to tea so we could exchange some information he offered as I was contemplating searching for a new job.

I dated throughout that time, but he became my barometer. Each date, each lunch or dinner companion was quickly assessed and compared to him. No one added up. Not even close. BUT as far as I could tell, Alessandro didn't have eyes for me. We simply shared a nice acquaintance. Still, I felt very confident that I had no desire to settle for less.

Fast forward to my thirtieth birthday party, an offer to take a ride on his motorcycle as a gift, and the rest is history. A few weeks after the party, we arranged to take a spin through the headlands on his Ducati and then later had an afternoon tea in Tiburon where it became crystal clear how much we liked one another. What's so wild is we figured out that this date turned out to be one year to-the-day of our first email correspondence.

Ten years later, we're married and this week, he became an American citizen. Truly, this is a milestone for both of us. I had acquired my Italian citizenship three years prior through my family lineage. Now that we both have dual citizenship, it makes me understand how incredible life can be when you take risks, when you travel, when you live away from home, build roots in far away places, and most importantly, when you don't settle for less. We both miss our families dearly, and I know my mother-in-law is so nervous he'll never come home. But that isn't our plan at all. We aim to live in Europe and in the States someday, and now it's all the more possible.

As I sat through the ceremony, I reflected upon my grandparents and the sacrifices they have made for my parents, my siblings and cousins. An overwhelming sense of gratitude fell over me. When you follow your dreams, the doors open wide, the love poors in, and the abundance in everyday simple life is immense, and it carries on beyond your own years. It's passed on, and it is the most amazing gift.

Here are a few pix from the day of the ceremony, just something to remember the day by.

The auditorium at the Paramount Theatre was filled with almost 1,000 new citizens from 104 countries and their friends and families.