A Farewell Letter to Ian

Dear Ian,

This will be our last correspondence. It won’t reach you, because I don’t have your address, and even if I did, the post man doesn’t deliver there. It seems only fitting that my good-bye be in a letter. Over the last 24 years, this has been our main form of communication.

When I was fifteen and you were already off to college, I was so surprised that you would take the time to write to me, long letters detailing how you were doing. I wish I knew where I put the tape loaded with every single greatest song there ever was and each one reminds me of you to this day without fail. Fifteen wasn’t an easy time for me, and I clung to your friendship, because it was pure and honest and good and kind. We had good times together, the kind that swell in my memory as I write this to you.

By the time I had moved to San Francisco in ‘98, you had disappeared. There was a long time that we were out of touch and no one knew where you were. In the winter of 2000 (addendum: found a letter and it was actually winter of '98), I had come home for the holidays to visit family – and like everyone else ended up at the same bar to share a drink and catch up with old friends. Half way through the night you appeared in your black leather jacket. Shocked to see you, we embraced and talked for the rest of the evening. From that moment forward, we picked up where we had left off, and the letters began again. This time, instead of Boston you were in upstate New York and you were making the highest grades and gearing up to be a lawyer. I still laugh. It’s so fitting, yet it’s so ironic.

I have so many vivid memories. Sitting in your room. We were both shy. You expanded my mind. I didn’t know half the things you were talking about but you didn’t judge me for being naïve you just handed me a book to read. My best friend Michelle would always complain after we had hung out together. If the conversations became too intellectual, she knew I had been spending time with you, and she and I were anything but. We were clowns. That’s what made my friendship with you so special to me. There was total utter acceptance despite all of our differences, our age, our intellect, our talents, our personalities.

You had a piercing stare and a steady soul. I always needed God, you relied on your Higher self. Again, you respected our differences.

We didn’t get a proper good bye because in this high speed world of technology, all my recent emails from you were lost, and I no longer had your address. Since we only wrote to each a few times a year, I have been wondering where you were and if I would finally receive a note from you soon. The last we were in contact you were the happiest I had ever heard you to be. Kayaking, enjoying your living as a lawyer, loving the lake by your house, boasting about your sister, heading to Martha’s Vineyard to be with family. I just imagined that your happiness spawned a great relationship with someone and that you were preoccupied, busy living life.

I never could have imagined that I would find out that eight months ago you passed away, and that 16 months ago, you had been diagnosed with cancer.

My mind is racing: did you tell me? Did I overlook a letter? Was there something subtle that you said? When was our last contact? I can’t even go back to the old emails, because they’re gone.

All I can do is mourn and trust that for some reason that isn’t clear now, this is how it was meant to be. My heart aches. The tears won’t stop. And I’m going to miss you so very dearly. And I’m going to always regret not having been able to share a proper farewell.

Thank you for your respect and your friendship. You are so very special to me, and I’ll cherish our time together with all my heart. I know you’re at peace where you belong.

Love,

Sandy

Seeing with My Own Eyes

Move back one half foot, squat, adjust the grip, look to the right edge - straighten the line, now look to the left, up, down, shift the focus to lower right edge, check composition, overexpose by a half stop, adjust the shutter speed, final composition check and click. That's my eye dancing around the view finder when I'm taking a photograph.

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." ~ Albert Einstein

Yesterday after enjoying a peaceful day outdoors together, Alessandro and I hung curtain rods in the living room and kitchen. We had just commented as we parked the car in the driveway that it was great to have an afternoon together, but we knew the bickering would begin shortly, and our wisdom did not fail us. Alessandro finished hanging rods in the living room and called me from the kitchen where I was hanging a tension rod over the sink. He stood there with a stance of satisfaction admiring his work. I studied the wall, eyed the window frame, top right, top left, and all I could see was the flaw. The left curtain rod had been hung higher than the right. Disagreeing profusely, Alessandro became defensive, so I encouraged him to let the ruler be the judge. Turns out there was a quarter inch difference between the two. A difference that would be exaggerated once the curtains were hung. The discovery of this fact made him even more upset, and he declared "you have a sickness, you're insane." Frankly, he carried on quite a bit about how nuts I am and that he wasn't about to redo the work.

Well, I can't argue that I'm all of those things. The difference is, I don't see them as good or bad. I simply see myself for who I am. Perfectionist. Control freak. Outspoken. Direct. The list is long, trust me.

And so, as we crawled into bed that night and I thanked him for fixing the curtain rods (even though he didn't want to and because I truly do appreciate his hard work) and reminded him that he still owed me an apology for not being very nice during our project (because it's important to call each other out on our "stuff"), I scooped myself under the covers. Then, to my surprise, he let out a sigh and a smile, looked over and said, "scusami, tesoro" - "I'm sorry, honey." And with lighter hearts, we laughed and kissed and cuddled.

The date was Sunday, June 12th. On this day two rare things occurred: my husband apologized and I reminded myself that I see with my own eyes and feel with my own heart.

And because pictures are fun, here's one small corner of our new place that is presentable:

Happy Monday.

Karen + Phil, Dawn Ranch, Guerneville, CA

How EXCITING! Here are the very first results of my new gig as a second shooter for First Comes Love Wedding Photography by Alison Bank! The setting is Dawn Ranch in Guerneville, CA.

Keep in mind as you view these photos: a second shooter does not have front row seats to the wedding. It's my job to get various angles and pick up the miscellaneous shots.

This is a really great opportunity as I challenge myself and make the push to dive into wedding photography. I'm so grateful to Alison for taking a chance on me and booking me for the rest of her 2011 wedding season. Looking forward to working my butt of for you, mamma!

Happy Happy!!

Storyboards + Templates :: Tips + Tricks

This is exciting! Yesterday, I learned something new and thought it would be fun to share on the blog.

A while back, Suze Allen of Manuscript Mentors contacted me asking for photography to accompany a children's cookbook proposal she was putting together for a mutual colleague, Gabi Dixson. I was thrilled to work on the project with them and together we conducted four photo shoots of the adorable, want-to-tickle-them-and-roll-over-the-floor-and-giggle-until-we're-exhausted-kids below. As we were editing the final images last week, we realized that three photos seem to tell the story better than one. Since I believe in the quality of strong presentation, this meant I would need to learn how to use storyboards in Photoshop, a.k.a. masking and clipping. : O

Although the first try left me frustrated and confused, the second try worked like a charm. That's my motto, "If it's not working, let it go. Stop. Pick it up again in an hour or in a few days when your brain has had time to reboot."

If you're interested in learning how to create your own storyboards, here are some helpful links for you. These are useful for blog posts, web design and for print products such as albums and holiday cards. Good luck! And Happy Tuesday!

Click It Up a Notch - A terrific blog that offers great tips and tricks by a mom of two that has only been taking pix for THREE years. God I love that and find it so inspiring.

The Coffeeshop Blog - This is the site where I found the storyboard templates used below. Another amazing self taught mom of two.

To learn how to create and how to use clipping masks, click HERE.